I Love You Even If...for the Nine Enneagram Types

Here in the U.S. it’s Valentine’s Day, which means people are talking about love. This comes two days after I led a workshop for a group of leaders on the Enneagram.

It was a fun and insightful time, and it went way too fast. The goal was to help them understand themselves better and the value they bring at work.

The intersection of the workshop and Valentine’s Day got me thinking…what might each Enneagram type want to hear on Valentine’s Day?

If you’re not familiar with the Enneagram, it’s simply a personality profiling tool based around nine personality types (Ennea means “nine” and gram means “figure”). Each number has a core drive.

The idea is to identify your number from 1-9, learn what your number says about your core motivation, behavior, emotions, conflict style, work value, etc., and grow from there.

Want to learn more about the Enneagram?

Anyway, here’s my shot. I love you even if…for the nine Enneagram types.

1: I love you even if you make a mistake.

Type 1’s core drive is "to perfect," so they can be hard on themselves if there are imperfections. They need to know they don’t have to be perfect to be loved.

2: I love you even if you don't do anything for me.

Type 2’s core drive is "to help," so they can struggle with self-worth if they don’t have anyone to help. They need to know they don’t have to do anything for anyone to be loved.

3: I love you even if you fail.

Type 3’s core drive is "to succeed," so they can derive their identity from success and accomplishments. They need to know they can fail and still be loved.

4: I love you even if you're ordinary.

Type 4’s core drive is "to express," so they can feel unknown if they don’t express themselves. They need to know they don’t have to stand out to be loved.

5: I love you even if I ask a question you can't answer.

Type 5’s core drive is "to know," so they can feel their value is in their knowledge. They need to know they are loved for who they are not what they know.

6: I love you even if you let me down.

Type 6’s core drive is "to secure," so they can fear not coming through for people. They need to know they may disappoint you, but they’re still loved.

7: I love you even if you're not the life of the party.

Type 7’s core drive is "to enjoy," so they are often expected to be the life of the party. They need to know they don’t have to be all fun and games to be loved.

8: I love you even if you're struggling with something.

Type 8’s core drive is "to influence," so they like being direct, certain, and strong. They need to know they can struggle with something and still be loved.

9: I love you even if we disagree.

Type 9’s core drive is "to be at peace," so they aim for harmony and agreement. They need to know they can disagree and still be loved.

Do you have any of these numbers in your life? How can you show love to them today?