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Life and Work Blog

A Reality Check for Couples in Distress

Aug 23, 2018 8:30:00 AM / by Jeeva Sam

Sometimes couples in marriage distress need a reality check before they consider calling it quits. 


One way that Marriage Mentors Sulojana Sam and I administer one is in a conversation that goes something like this:

"So, how long have you two been married now?"

"10 years."

"How old are you now?"

"I'm 37. She's 36."

"Let's say realistically that your age expectancy is 75 and hers is 79."

"What does that have anything to do with us calling it quits now?"

"Bear with me for just one minute, Romeo/Juliet. Realistically, you could both be alive together for at least 38 more years."

"Unless we kill each other before that." (nervous laughter).

"That's not funny." (serious wink)

"Let's say it takes you two a whole year, make it two full years, to get your marriage back on track, you'll still have at least 35 years to enjoy a happy, harmonious, fulfilling marriage."

"(Bewildered look)"

"You have a choice now. Call it quits before making any attempt at restoring your marriage. Go through the stress and expense of divorce. Mess up your kids' lives forever. Get ready to fork out alimony and child support payments for years to come. Let the coming generations curse you for the way you broke up the family tree with your divorce."


"Put up with the pain of working through your issues, even if it takes two long years, then enjoy 35 plus years of marriage bliss and give your children and the coming generations a fine example of overcoming adversity and multiple reasons for blessing you."

"(Grunt)" or "Never thought of it that way before." or "(Shake head)"

Sometimes they get it and start the journey to restoration. Joy! Sometimes one gets it, the other doesn't. So sad :-(

No matter what their choice may be...they got a reality check.

If we can help with a reality check, request a free discovery session.

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Topics: Coaching, Personal Growth

Jeeva Sam

Written by Jeeva Sam

Pastor Jeeva has come alongside hundreds of couples before, during and after marriage over 35+ years of ordained ministry. He and his wife Sulojana just celebrated their 35th Anniversary on Aug. 18. They are proud parents of three adult children. The Sams have made it their mission to mentor couples from breakdown to breakthrough and save families in the process.